part of my plan to get as fit as humanly possible before the members get here is cutting out weekday drinking, but today, i am breaking all the rules. 13 hours in the basement of a comfort inn starting wilderness advanced first aid, and goddamn i could not deny myself that shower beer.
one thing i really love about this job is that it makes me the tough, resilient version of myself i had always dreamed of being, but on the flip side of that, i’m given a lot of room to be human, which i really cashed in on today.
anything involving the vulnerability of the human body is something i am totally weak and squeamish over. once i saw my brother get a shot, and i woke up sweating with a nurse standing over me. another time my mom got a fish hook stuck in her leg, and once again, i woke up on the ground wondering how i got there. i wasn’t allowed to visit dannie in the hospital when he had open heart surgery because the nurses got tired of taking care of me every time they changed his bandage. in high school, when we dissected frogs, i did a worksheet instead.
so today being all about pretending to take care of our crew members who were fake passed out with soup in their mouths to simulate vomiting, and we had to watch a video of people dying in a car crash, and then we had to dissect pig heart and lungs, i was a fucking wreck.
i gave myself a long pep talk about how dissections are an honest thing, and if i can eat bacon, i can cut up a pig heart and stop being a goddamn twink. it worked for a while until i got too brave and picked up a piece of lung and remembered that time george had a pet pig, and on my way to the bathroom to try not to faint, one of my crew members told me about the time in middle school he got sad about animals being used in class, and he had to leave, and then i cried. i CRIED. this awful, laughing, cold, clammy sweating cry.
this is day 1 of 5, but i am hoping and thinking this was the hurdle, and it will improve, and this will turn into another thing i’ve faced, but in the meantime, someone was always around to hold my hand or give me a hug, and it’s hard to be too upset or scared with support like that around every time.
also, fuck it, i’m gonna drink some weekday shower beers.