i have another brother. or, an other brother. he’s my brother’s best friend, but he lived with my family, and he’s around all the time, and i cried when he left for army basic, and i cried when he came home just this week, surprising me by shouting and knocking on my door at 3am when all along i thought he wasn’t going to be able to come home for christmas. having him home was truly all i wanted out of this holiday season, and it’s been a great few days for it. i love the kid, and there is no space in between him and my family as far as i am concerned.
i also have another brother friend figure, and he’s george’s chauffeur ‘cause he got pulled over last month for an expired sticker and realized he actually had a suspended license, so there’s this other teenage boy living on my couch, and it’s all seriously hilarious sitcom level shit going on in my life these days.
my car died tonight, which left me sitting in the buick in a right turn lane waiting for george to show up and help. it took hardly any time at all before a van full of dudes pulled up, pushing my car off the road and insisting on staying with me until i got some help. they turned out to be interesting and hilarious, and even more interestingly and hilariously, george, kaleb and caleb show up in a malibu, all smoking marlboro reds, george in a suit jacket and house slippers. kaleb in his army jacket and boots. caleb in his air force gear. and i just couldn’t help but laugh and feel incredibly loved and protected and a-okay.
we ended up talking with the other guys for nearly an hour, swapping info about favorite junk yards, telling rebuild stories, shaking hands and an offer to buy my stranded car was extended.
i can’t get over the comedy in things lately; that this is how tonight turned out. i got to drive the blazer instead and spent a lot of time with my baby brothers and love all of that so much. kaleb is home, and george is so happy, and i am too. it doesn’t feel like christmas, but it does feel like family.
like, i use colored markers to keep track of when electric, water, internet, and the different student loan bills come in versus when i get paid, to see how much i can spend in between. i call the numbers to find the best payment plans, and i make real life appointments that i don’t even need to ask my mom about first. i have a really big interview thursday, and i am the most organized. i know where my bills are. stacked, in order of date, in a folder.
but i’m also doing all this in my underwear, dancing around coffee in-hand. i need to turn the stereo off when i get a phone call back, and then it’s back to mint.com and justifying spending a loan payment on beer every month.
i bought a real life lady shirt from the limited. and well-fitting, dark jeans! then i got drunk in my nice lady outfit. i drank a lot of tekilla and sent some texts and danced. so there’s that. i’m trying, growing and regressing, all at the same time. making up for lost time while trying not to lose anymore.
don’t worry, i’m at least throwing some frozen vegetables into my ramen.
“I want a future where women and girls get to be the subject of their own sexuality, not the object of somebody else’s. That we are the main characters in our own play, not props in somebody else’s—which is how women’s sexuality is treated now. Whatever the outside attitudes about sexuality it’s always about somebody’s agenda for us, and I want a world where we can have our own.”—Jaclyn Friedman (ConsentFest talks about sex, and wants to add more voices | OpenFile). (via senseret)