these vagabond shoes

what a language, what a world
Apr 15
Permalink

i feel like i’ve spent the whole winter with my head down, watching my footing on the ice, surrounded against cold by a hat and hood, always thinking about snow and negative temperatures, at least an hour a day.

my boyfriend has a tattoo on his arm that his friend gave him with a leather needle. he stole the flowers he gave me on valentine’s day. it’s possible he is smarter than i am, and he is certainly the nicest man i have ever dated. 

last summer mike told joanna that all guys want in a girl is someone that can keep up. maybe that’s why joanna hadn’t met anyone in bozeman. i snorted— that girl was setting the fucking pace. 

the warm weather and longer days make me feel as if i am waking up from something. i get up early and go running. my room is clean. my hair is washed. cut-up vegetables live in plastic container in my refrigerator. i’ve accepted a job, and i just interviewed for a better one.

all of this rough-around-the-edges made my winter interesting, but now i am ready to take off, to work hard and keep progressing and improving.

i’m setting the pace again. every day i think about mike telling joanna, “someone who can keep up,” understanding it as a burden.

Mar 20
Permalink
kick-it-in-the-sticks:

Farm Fresh Eggs, Honey, Hair Cuts and Cold Drinks
Murphy,NC

yesterday i turned down what i thought was my dream job working on a trail crew in smokey mountain national park to work as a crew leader for a non-profit in Murphy. 
in early may, i am trading in bozeman’s shreddy powpow-obsessed, patagonia-clad ski bums and rugged rocky peaks for the town where this sign can be found, hanging outside a small mercantile. 
i have received a small amount of berating from my family for choosing to make less money working with a non-profit than a federal job, but i can’t help where the inclinations lead. i want to work with people who don’t know what they are capable of doing yet. i want to teach people about what a wilderness is, why leave no trace is important. i want to be the person showing a teenager their first bowline knot.
the national park service might make me the person of my dreams, but i think i would rather spend a season helping a crew member become the person of their dreams instead.

kick-it-in-the-sticks:

Farm Fresh Eggs, Honey, Hair Cuts and Cold Drinks

Murphy,NC

yesterday i turned down what i thought was my dream job working on a trail crew in smokey mountain national park to work as a crew leader for a non-profit in Murphy.

in early may, i am trading in bozeman’s shreddy powpow-obsessed, patagonia-clad ski bums and rugged rocky peaks for the town where this sign can be found, hanging outside a small mercantile.

i have received a small amount of berating from my family for choosing to make less money working with a non-profit than a federal job, but i can’t help where the inclinations lead. i want to work with people who don’t know what they are capable of doing yet. i want to teach people about what a wilderness is, why leave no trace is important. i want to be the person showing a teenager their first bowline knot.

the national park service might make me the person of my dreams, but i think i would rather spend a season helping a crew member become the person of their dreams instead.

Feb 17
Permalink

my co-leader pat took hundreds of hours of go pro footage of our crew this summer and compiled it into this amazing video.

this makes me very nostalgic and happy and excited for future trail summers.

Jan 12
Permalink

i didn’t make new year’s resolutions last year. the night was spent in chicago, in a dress i couldn’t afford at the time, drinking bourbon among young professionals. at midnight we declared our goals, sitting next to a dozen “run a marathons” and “pay off student loans,” i sarcastically declared that i would drink more champagne and bag more peaks. i unsarcastically accomplished both of those things.

professionally, months later, i set out on goals like a wolverine in may— crawling the high alpine in the snow, setting-out, determined. taking care of my crew, working long hours, never tiring, i truly identified with wolverines. i read about them, watched documentaries. they will summit mountains, up and over, in pursuit of a kill they have smelled. never taking the easier way around. inspiration is an understatement.

this year i do better. i can feel in last year that my goals were all professional and none personal. i know that i wasn’t working towards any dangling carrots, me, who would have guessed, 24, driven, task-oriented, capable but desiring direction.

i gave myself a few weeks to see what this year was like, what i wanted, and i guess what i’ve come up with looks like this:

-wear more of the clothes in my closet. stop hiding in camo thermals and black sweaters. be the fabulous that used to give me so much energy. plan. wake up early enough to put something together.

-drink more water. namely, at the bar. 3 IPAs in and one big gulp of water, and i am singing thank you to the beautiful clear in my nalgene bottle. i forget that. i will never get anywhere if i am paying for my nights out the next day perpetually. water.

-let myself be gutted. straight from “dear sugar,” but it’s the realest. last year i dealt with my step dad being out of my life entirely all on my own, and it sucked. it still sucks. i’ve lived here two years almost, and only one human being knows about dannie. it’s a burden i didn’t release, never shared. i regret that— it could have been handled better, more healthily. i will never forge real relationships if i hide behind tough, behind okay. it is my fault i feel like no one knows me anymore, and i want to fix that.

professionally, i want to work more trail, for a non-profit, preferably out of montana. a new mountain range, a new experience. the other day i ran into a girl i used to work with, and we talked future. she looked at me aghast, said i’m a rare person that really loves this, and got genuinely excited for me. i really love this, trail. i want more trail.

i am realizing a lot about what it takes to get things done, to be accomplished, and i can feel myself be ready for that.

Dec 23
Permalink
closest thing to a christmas card this family gets. 
george is here. it’s wonderful. bozeman mountain views at sunset every chance we get. my friends take care of him while i make lattes. we converge at night to drink beers, tell stories. stay up late. call it spring break even though it snows everyday, december in montana. lucky and happy and loved. 

closest thing to a christmas card this family gets.

george is here. it’s wonderful. bozeman mountain views at sunset every chance we get. my friends take care of him while i make lattes. we converge at night to drink beers, tell stories. stay up late. call it spring break even though it snows everyday, december in montana. lucky and happy and loved. 

Dec 11
Permalink
as it turns out, i do not like being a barista again very much, but i DO like red wine.
 i’m digging way back to how i handled espresso when i was alienated and tired. this mostly manifested itself in glitter nail polish and fly earrings, but also it was anger. i wanted so badly to separate myself from customers who wanted drinks 134 degrees and half soy and sugar free but no splenda and why is nothing gluten/ dairy free/ shade grown/ fair trade/ free range/ hand-fed/ unicorns on top diarrhea wet cap dry latte you know what i mean, just right, room for cream and oh whatever my child who can’t even spell its name wants. 
i wore the shittiest clothes and showed up hungover and never washed my hair and put on way too much eyeliner, and it made me feel superior. i was fighting what i perceived as their pretension with this somehow uglier worse reverse pretentiousness that i will identify that part of my life with distinctly.
what i did, though, was move far, far away and do something far, far different and make my life far, far better. i worked hard. i was the badass i wanted so badly to be when i was just an awkward barista with a headset.
now, though, i am an awkward barista who has done the other things, the cool things, and i feel this ugly thing rearing its ugliness, and i have to say no to it.
it is winter. this is a season of my life. i keep on being a badass in my free time. -15 did not stop me from going for a 5 mile hike in knee-deep snow, sliding and fighting my way to the top of a hill tucked away behind the biggest houses i’ve ever dreamed, bozeman down below looking like a snow globe. my customers down there, warm, drinking egg nog lattes that are neither too hot nor too cold.
i will be okay. i don’t have to imagine the better life for myself; i can still live it. this is work, and there is still life, and i don’t have to fight ass holes by being an ass hole, but more importantly, assuming other people are ass holes is something i know to be fruitless.
this is when i really get to cultivate my peace.

as it turns out, i do not like being a barista again very much, but i DO like red wine.

 i’m digging way back to how i handled espresso when i was alienated and tired. this mostly manifested itself in glitter nail polish and fly earrings, but also it was anger. i wanted so badly to separate myself from customers who wanted drinks 134 degrees and half soy and sugar free but no splenda and why is nothing gluten/ dairy free/ shade grown/ fair trade/ free range/ hand-fed/ unicorns on top diarrhea wet cap dry latte you know what i mean, just right, room for cream and oh whatever my child who can’t even spell its name wants. 

i wore the shittiest clothes and showed up hungover and never washed my hair and put on way too much eyeliner, and it made me feel superior. i was fighting what i perceived as their pretension with this somehow uglier worse reverse pretentiousness that i will identify that part of my life with distinctly.

what i did, though, was move far, far away and do something far, far different and make my life far, far better. i worked hard. i was the badass i wanted so badly to be when i was just an awkward barista with a headset.

now, though, i am an awkward barista who has done the other things, the cool things, and i feel this ugly thing rearing its ugliness, and i have to say no to it.

it is winter. this is a season of my life. i keep on being a badass in my free time. -15 did not stop me from going for a 5 mile hike in knee-deep snow, sliding and fighting my way to the top of a hill tucked away behind the biggest houses i’ve ever dreamed, bozeman down below looking like a snow globe. my customers down there, warm, drinking egg nog lattes that are neither too hot nor too cold.

i will be okay. i don’t have to imagine the better life for myself; i can still live it. this is work, and there is still life, and i don’t have to fight ass holes by being an ass hole, but more importantly, assuming other people are ass holes is something i know to be fruitless.

this is when i really get to cultivate my peace.

Dec 03
Permalink
elizaevans:

inthelibrarywithacomicbook:

I love that this sort of sentiment is becoming more and more the rule in fandom communities.  That kind of acceptance has always been critical/a key part of library work!

This is pretty much my life motto. The older I get the less I can bear snobbery.

this right here has set me free entirely.

elizaevans:

inthelibrarywithacomicbook:

I love that this sort of sentiment is becoming more and more the rule in fandom communities.  That kind of acceptance has always been critical/a key part of library work!

This is pretty much my life motto. The older I get the less I can bear snobbery.

this right here has set me free entirely.

(Source: covettheflesh, via gsci)

Permalink
i started my new job today. it makes me realize how big the job i just finished was—when i was asked if i can show up in the morning, be on my feet 6 hours at a time, lift 25 lbs. i know it’s procedure. standard. but still, the thought in the back of my head, are you fucking kidding?
but, i am not 19 anymore, and no one has time for what i have done, so i let them do the routines. it’s okay. 
it snowed here today, so big and fluffy and taking over quickly, and i am delighted. it’s going to be -20 tomorrow. good. before i know it, i’m capable at winter. there’s 100lbs of salt in my living room, and i am ready to wake up early and shovel the sidewalk and then make my way on the day’s errands.
i like this, somehow. i am derailed by what my days have become in the past few weeks. it’s winter; i’m excited. there are friends. i had the best thanksgiving to date. my decision to leave has become a question mark on the end of it. it’s okay, fine, good.
when i went home in september, i had coffee with my aunt, who said one of her goals with clients is to achieve win/wins in their lives. to get them to the point where whatever decision they are making is good or good or good. i’ve done that. yes on yes on yes on yes. it will be a great adventure.

i started my new job today. it makes me realize how big the job i just finished was—when i was asked if i can show up in the morning, be on my feet 6 hours at a time, lift 25 lbs. i know it’s procedure. standard. but still, the thought in the back of my head, are you fucking kidding?

but, i am not 19 anymore, and no one has time for what i have done, so i let them do the routines. it’s okay.

it snowed here today, so big and fluffy and taking over quickly, and i am delighted. it’s going to be -20 tomorrow. good. before i know it, i’m capable at winter. there’s 100lbs of salt in my living room, and i am ready to wake up early and shovel the sidewalk and then make my way on the day’s errands.

i like this, somehow. i am derailed by what my days have become in the past few weeks. it’s winter; i’m excited. there are friends. i had the best thanksgiving to date. my decision to leave has become a question mark on the end of it. it’s okay, fine, good.

when i went home in september, i had coffee with my aunt, who said one of her goals with clients is to achieve win/wins in their lives. to get them to the point where whatever decision they are making is good or good or good. i’ve done that. yes on yes on yes on yes. it will be a great adventure.

Permalink

freckledbuttchester:

it’s every angry feminist shirt I’ve ever wanted

sup world, if you were wondering what to get your favorite jeanine russell for christmas…

(via etceterary)

Nov 25
Permalink
what is interesting is that my life has become what it was in 2011— i’m a barista. i’m writing for a local entertainment blog, mostly doing whiskey reviews. they are my jobs, and i am good at them. 
and maybe it’s interesting to me because it’s also so, so different though i am doing the same flagship jeanine things.
my friend won a spa day package and invited me to go. i turned it down to shoot trap in the canyon with my roommate. it was wildly sunny and warm and beautiful at hyalite, and we were having a great time, and it washed over me that i am here. there was a time when i was not here, but years have passed, and i am now a fit, brave capable human shooting trap in the fucking rocky mountains in six inches of snow, having a great goddamn time.
i am aware of, though not letting myself get wrapped up in, change and how it happens— and that it does. i am bookmarking this sensation that i had no possible conceivable idea of what was ahead of me in 2011. that this is true of right now, too.

what is interesting is that my life has become what it was in 2011— i’m a barista. i’m writing for a local entertainment blog, mostly doing whiskey reviews. they are my jobs, and i am good at them.

and maybe it’s interesting to me because it’s also so, so different though i am doing the same flagship jeanine things.

my friend won a spa day package and invited me to go. i turned it down to shoot trap in the canyon with my roommate. it was wildly sunny and warm and beautiful at hyalite, and we were having a great time, and it washed over me that i am here. there was a time when i was not here, but years have passed, and i am now a fit, brave capable human shooting trap in the fucking rocky mountains in six inches of snow, having a great goddamn time.

i am aware of, though not letting myself get wrapped up in, change and how it happens— and that it does. i am bookmarking this sensation that i had no possible conceivable idea of what was ahead of me in 2011. that this is true of right now, too.