i am moving to montana in may.
it’s possible i can not say it to myself enough. montana in may, montana in may, montana in may. it was my only 2012 goal, and the first step, saying yes, yes, i accept to a lady from the conservation corp calling me, has been completed.
2011 was an accomplished year for long novels. i actually finished Moby Dick today, but it’s a 2011 read as far as i’m concerned.
i wasn’t a student for most of this year, and i did more reading than ever, actually.
last year started like this: one day i was waiting for the bus outside trent’s apartment where i was living, and train song by feist and ben gibbard came on my ipod. i played the song out as me, years later, tracking down a guy i had a crush on at the time, and the reunion we would have. i wanted to push and pull on my relationship, and i just started crying. i cried all the way to class. i wasn’t sure why i did that.
it continued on, january was the closest to depression and total boredom with my life i have ever encountered, in february i was dumped. in march i had more fun and travels and nights out that i can believe. in april, i went back. in may, i graduated college. june my parents hosted the best graduation party, and in july, i went to five demo derbies and spent a lot of time with katie and my brothers. august i dressed up for a fancy car show and smoked a lot of cigars. september i had an opportunity to move to washington which has turned into diehard motivation to be out of here by spring. october i had my heart broken once again, but it turns out it was the best part of this year. november was a damn blast and brought a lot of friendships back to me, and this month has been one event after the other, days filling before i can keep track. and i learned how to purl, finally.
this year started like this: i woke up with two of my best friends in my bed. we laid together and told stories about last night. i found my heels in my coat pockets, no money, and a pounding headache.
all we wanted out of last night was for it not to be a boring, living room new year with people we live with. instead, we had fancy dresses, gin and dancing. some of my favorite people are in town, and i have been spending some quality time watching top gear with my brothers.
i am doing all of this because 2011 was distinct. the events that mark 2011 don’t exactly define it, so much as set the framework for what i was able to do. i have not had one quantifiable year like this where i can see myself change, progress, acquire dimension, let go and start over to such a degree as this year. it’s meant a whole lot to me, but 2012 gets to be all about me. it’s mine.
2011 was strange because of things i thought might be love, but the feeling i had last night, my arms around my lady friends, cheering and hugging and dancing in the new year, that i don’t have to think about or second guess. that is a love i am sure of, basking in and centering 2012 on, which gives me a good feeling about what’s up next.
My apartment really loves america
Cocktails: Neat.
it’s true today was a bad one. i was driving home, and i’ve been trying to make the best of waking up at 8am for a pap smear and realizing my car needs junked and making like 7 large polar caps, when i gave up on making these things good and just accepted today blows.
but then again, it’s the first truly bad day i’ve had in a long time. it’s the first in months, actually.
there are only a few days left in this year, and i am having trouble remembering last bad days, so overall, i’m in a good position. i took advantage of today being shitty, though, and bought this $10 big bottle of ‘foot wine and am going to watch tv and give it my best bad day all.
Rep. Charlotte T. Reid (R-Ill.) was the first woman to wear pants on the floor of the House of Representatives. She did so 42 years ago tomorrow. From The Washington Post’s story:
How did her male colleagues react? One incredulous congressman told her, “I was told there was a lady here in trousers, so I had to come over and see for myself.”
(via mellynban)
uhh this year my brother got me this badass gerber knife and a zippo. my mom got me a fishing pole and real life boot city cowboy boots.
i feel like i was just initiated into the cool kids club or something. check out this tough stuff!
i have another brother. or, an other brother. he’s my brother’s best friend, but he lived with my family, and he’s around all the time, and i cried when he left for army basic, and i cried when he came home just this week, surprising me by shouting and knocking on my door at 3am when all along i thought he wasn’t going to be able to come home for christmas. having him home was truly all i wanted out of this holiday season, and it’s been a great few days for it. i love the kid, and there is no space in between him and my family as far as i am concerned.
i also have another brother friend figure, and he’s george’s chauffeur ‘cause he got pulled over last month for an expired sticker and realized he actually had a suspended license, so there’s this other teenage boy living on my couch, and it’s all seriously hilarious sitcom level shit going on in my life these days.
my car died tonight, which left me sitting in the buick in a right turn lane waiting for george to show up and help. it took hardly any time at all before a van full of dudes pulled up, pushing my car off the road and insisting on staying with me until i got some help. they turned out to be interesting and hilarious, and even more interestingly and hilariously, george, kaleb and caleb show up in a malibu, all smoking marlboro reds, george in a suit jacket and house slippers. kaleb in his army jacket and boots. caleb in his air force gear. and i just couldn’t help but laugh and feel incredibly loved and protected and a-okay.
we ended up talking with the other guys for nearly an hour, swapping info about favorite junk yards, telling rebuild stories, shaking hands and an offer to buy my stranded car was extended.
i can’t get over the comedy in things lately; that this is how tonight turned out. i got to drive the blazer instead and spent a lot of time with my baby brothers and love all of that so much. kaleb is home, and george is so happy, and i am too. it doesn’t feel like christmas, but it does feel like family.
